Dara says:
I have lived here for six years. My aunt brought me here in 2006. She told me why, but my memories are hazy. I think she said they (the people at the orphanage) would take care of me, feed me and pay for my education. Some kids here say she just dropped me off so she could receive a small fee from the director. Those same kids say I am an orphan, but I’m not sure what that is. Either way, I miss her. I would give anything to live with her again. She is the only reminder I have of my family and my village. My life before.
When I first arrived, I was overwhelmed with fear. I did not know anyone. But in the midst of that terror, I felt a
twinge of exhilaration. The new place
and new faces seemed much more exciting than my life at home. The thrill faded almost immediately. Every day I make a secret wish that it will
be my last.
Here, I live with many other children and a couple
adults. They say we are family, but it
doesn’t feel that way to me. Maybe
whoever you live with is your family, but I thought people in a family took
care of each other. I thought families
shared their food, and supported each other.
The adults act strange.
They can never afford meat, or anything except a little rice. At least that is what they say. I guess it is difficult and expensive to take
care of other people’s children. But
when visitors come, suddenly we get to have a giant feast. It is like a wedding, there is food
everywhere and plenty for everyone. I
always eat so much I feel sick. I always
try to save some of the baguette for later.
The adults are not nice either,
except when the visitors come. I am so
happy when the visitors come because they play with me and teach me
English. They sing and dance and seem so
happy. They hug me and teach me
things. They always want to take photos
with me and I am now an expert
photographer myself. It makes them happy
when they get to show me how to use their expensive cameras. I always pretend like I do not know how so
they can each show me, themselves. Sometimes
I feel like I hate them. They always
smile. They wear nice clothes. They always have shoes. They own expensive things. They are fat and healthy. I feel so ashamed of myself and wish I could
be them. I smile at them even when I
feel like I hate them. I tell them I
love them. If not, I will be sorry.
The visitors always say they feel so sorry for me and have
come to help me. I don’t know what they
are talking about. I usually enjoy
eating and playing with the visitors.
They usually treat all of us children very kindly. I hate when they leave. I always stay in my room for the rest of the
evening without dinner. I cry and cry
and wonder why I can’t have a family like that to live with. Why can’t I eat enough food every day? Why can’t I learn and go to school every
day? Why can’t I have fun and play every
day? I wonder what I did to deserve
this?
I would rather be hungry with my own family than hungry surrounded by strangers.
I would rather be hungry with my own family than hungry surrounded by strangers.
Thoughts from Theary:
Dear Mak,
Dear Mak,
I am trying to be brave for you. I want to learn. I try to study, but I have no time. I always have to work. I am so tired. I am always coughing, always sick, and always
hungry. Secretly, I think they want me
to be sick and hungry. The people that
tell us what to do look healthy and strong.
I know they have enough food to eat and a dry place to sleep.
Then on certain days, we have guests. When they come I have to pretend like I am
happy here. I have to call the people
that tell us what to do “aunt” and “uncle”.
First they said I have to call them mother and father, but I cried and
cried and would not do it. I said you
are my only mother, nobody else is my mother.
The visitors usually have white skin. At the beginning, they frightened me. Now I know that when they come I can
relax. I will have a day off work. I may even be the lucky one who receives a
pair of shoes, a jump rope, or a book to practice my writing. My “aunt” and “uncle” insist that I tell the
visitors I am sick and ask for donations from them. I should ask for donations for medicine, for
food, and for school uniforms. If I do
not ask, I will not be allowed to eat anything the next day. Initially, I did not like to ask, but now I
am used to it. I know exactly how to say
it, I know what expression to have and to look them directly in the eyes and
hold their gaze. I have learned so
much.
You used to tell me I was your clever little baby. Now I am a clever big girl. I know how to earn money myself, with only my
words. But I wish I could send the money
to you.
I feel like I would rather be dead than be here.
Why did you leave me here?
When will you come visit me?
Your baby always,
Theary
A Note from Sovanny:
Da,
Da,
I don’t know how many days I have been here. It’s so cold.
We sleep on there floor and the roof always leaks and drips water on me
at night. I have not been feeling well,
but I have to smile anyway. The bad man
always yells at me or hits me when I don’t smile. Everyday he says I should be thankful to have a ******* roof over my
head. He says I do not appreciate all
that he does for me. But I do, I work so
hard to stay clean, prepare delicious food, and keep the house clean. I do everything just how you taught me.
When people come to visit us, to bring food and teach us, we
all have to wear long pants and long sleeves, so they cannot see our
bruises. We have to smile and play with
them. I hate when they come. Every time someone visits, I get sadder and
sadder because I know that I will have to be hungry and cold and get hit, again
and again. If they would just stay, I
know everything would be ok. I hate them
for leaving me.
I miss you brother.
When can I come home?
Kisses,
Sovanny
- To justify the need to feel good about yourself by volunteering, without ever researching the organization or understanding it's background/expertise/legitimacy/child safe policies, etc.
- To simplify your thoughts and focus only on what you see, hear, and feel.
- To place your needs/wants/desires before the well-being, health, and safety of a child.
Many people assume that just one more visit, or one more tourist will do no harm. Please, think again. Every single person, every visit contributes to this exploitative and harmful issue. It reinforces the practices. It encourages the unethical behavior. It causes more and more children (with families) to become "orphans". Institutionalization is not the answer. And encouraging this practice to continue is definitely not the answer. Please research for yourself. Seek out professional opinions, valid research, and truly consider how it could be good for any traumatized child to be exposed to strangers on a daily basis. Next time you hear someone mention going on a "life-changing" volunteering adventure at an orphanage, tell them to think again.
Myths and Realities about Orphanages in Cambodia via
@Friends_INTL
Problems with Orphanages in Haiti and Cambodia
http://goodintents.org/orphanages/problems-with-orphanages-in-haiti-and-cambodia
*All stories fictional
*All stories fictional
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