Sovann Smiles, While Surrounded by Ignorant Half-Naked Barang

I've been a tuk-tuk driver for eight years now.  It seems every year more foreigners come to my country, some to visit and some to live.  A few of them are like family to me now.  I see them often, we share meals, we visit my homeland together, I know about their lives and they know about mine.  However, the many others are the ones I want to tell you about.  Yes, I appreciate the income when they hire me.  But sometimes I wonder, do they have any idea how utterly ridiculous they appear?

What I see: 

Scandalous women everywhere, they come in hordes.  They are oblivious to the world around them.  They do not dress appropriately or act like good women.  I hope my daughters do not get used to seeing women dress like that and think it is normal.  I tell them it is not acceptable for respectable young ladies to dress in that manner. 

People who have time for only themselves.  Why do they all walk around with their headphones blaring?  We are real people, with stories to tell, lives to live, families to support.  Do people intentionally ignore the world that is around them or do they simply not want to see?  Are they afraid someone is going to jump out and bite them?  Do they think we are snakes, looking for our next victim?

Unkept foreigners with baggy clothes and messy hair, touting their LP or some other guide book.  Assuming they know it all because they came armed and "prepared" with the latest, relevant information.  They have the craziest clothes, why do people wear those skimpy tank tops and short shorts?  Are they trying to get dengue fever?  Or are they trying to turn their skin brown?  Either way, they do not seem to have much common sense. 

People with such a sense of entitlement.  Why are people who have so much so demanding?  Why do they insist on things a certain way?  If you can’t handle one ant crawling on your arm, take a taxi.  If you need to be somewhere at exactly 4 p.m., you may want to leave earlier next time.  Please don’t yell at me because of the condition of the road, the fact that it’s raining, or the insane traffic.  I have no control over these things.  This is life.  What kind of life do you have that you can afford to become so angry about such mundane issues?

What I hear: 

Oh, I hear the funniest things.  People think they are so clever or so knowledgeable because they are from the “developed” world.  You cannot imagine the pity and “compassion” we involuntarily experience.  People look at us with pity in their eyes, while criticizing our government, our history, our very identities.  Do they even know how ludicrous their words sound?  Sure I smile, offer them a ride, surprise them with my English.  But inside, I am constantly rolling my eyes, thinking “get a clue.”

What I really enjoy is when foreigners decide to “educate” me about my own country.  Oh yes, they inevitably know more about our history, our government, our economy, and our language.  They get offended if I cannot understand their rubbish attempt of the Khmer language.  I always smile, thank, and praise them.  I insist their Khmer is the best I have ever heard.  Even though I have no idea what they are saying, shouldn’t I be offended? 

These foreigners also attempt to educate me about social issues in my country.  They tell me I must look out for certain people, in order to protect my family.  They throw all kinds of information at me about sanitation and pollution.  They tell me it’s dirty and unsafe here.  They are filled with pride for their own country, and yet fail to recognize I may have pride as well.  They treat us like their own little punching bags, insult upon insult.  My pride carries me through one day to the next, it enables to put up with one more foreigner.  This pride is what I know will carry us into the future. 

Weekly, I am given the amazing “blessing” and opportunity of learning a few new words of English.  These foreigners are so happy to engage with a “local” and teach a poor Cambodian some English.  The idiots never realize they are teaching me words I already know.  But hey, I have learned to go along with whatever makes them feel good about themselves.  Because then they are more likely to tip me or use my tuk-tuk again. 

What I know:

My people are strong.  They are clever.  My family works together.  We support one another.  We do not flit about the world, on vacation, or pretending to help everyone else.  My country is courageous, it is filled with overcomers.  You can read all your guidebooks, you can watch documentaries, you can visit us with a heart overflowing with pity, but why are you really here?  If you do not care about learning from us, about improving yourself, about being calm and mindful, about making friends that you actually spend time with, I wish you would just send your money and stay home.  I never asked for your pity.  It is not “helping” anyone.

King Father Norodom Sihanouk's Return to Cambodia

  October 17, 2012

RIP

Temple Exploration

  

Udong

Udong in Kampong Speu province is about 40 kilometers northwest of Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

                                        

Udong was previously the capitol of Cambodia.  See link for more information.  

May all beings be well, happy and peaceful

Found this short piece filed away.  Wrote it soon after arriving in Phnom Penh...
Love when the memories are jogged and you get a taste of what it was like in the beginning!  When sights and sounds could actually be shocking...

Don’t miss Wat Langka during your stay in Cambodia.  This is an excellent opportunity to see a beautiful temple, to get a glimpse of Buddhism, and to experience the serenity and stillness that results from meditation. Wat Langka is very accessible - right at the corner of Sihanouk and Street 51. It is one of the original wats in Phnom Penh not destroyed during the Khmer Rouge era.  

I went and experienced meditation myself on Saturday.   Having grown up in a Western country in a workaholic family this does not come naturally for me, but oh how amazing it was. I cannot wait to return. If you are a beginner, don’t worry!  The small instructional booklet provided was an incredible help.   I understood what meditation was, but I had never actually practiced it.  This assistance for beginners is perfect and very useful.  So I got my mat and my cushion, sat in my half lotus and attempted to focus on every breath.  

And then…Thoughts…Itch on my foot…Thoughts…Having to swallow…Thoughts …Itch on my neck…Thoughts…Strange twitch in my right arm…Thoughts…Biting my cheek…Thoughts…So thirsty…Thoughts

It’s like every fiber of your being is rebelling against this one thing that you want to do --- Focus on your breath.  I mean how hard can that be? It sounds so simple. I inevitably continued to find myself either biting my cheek, having an extreme need to swallow, or getting itches or twitches.  It is so strange how acutely aware you become of these sensations in your body (or thoughts in your head). Things I would never have taken notice of before.  But I followed my instructions and as soon as I found myself doing one of these things I focused entirely on it, it went away, and I returned to focusing on my breathing.

The itch went away, the need to scratch it disappeared.  The need for water also disappeared.  Eventually I could focus on just the breathing… and then WOW. My hands got so heavy, my whole body actually.  I felt completely separate from my body, like I was just looking down on it.  I had to open my eyes a couple times to make sure I was still on my mat in the temple!  It was a peculiar and yet extraordinary experience. 

I have so much to learn and cannot wait to go back.  We focus so much on feeding our bodies and being physically fit and often forget to keep our minds fit.

“May all beings be well, happy and peaceful.” 

- Buddhist Loving-kindness prayer

Intentions do not justify actions.

I came to the Kingdom of Wonder with “good intentions.”

I came thinking I could lend a helping hand, thinking my experience could be of use.

I came to fight what I believed to be a serious problem.

I came with such a typical Western attitude.

Notice the pattern – I, I, I & (wait for it…) I.

Why is it so easy for Individualists, born and raised believing personal freedom is the most important thing in life, to press their beliefs and behaviors upon others?

Why is it so natural to think that “our way” is the right way?  In fact – the Only way.  Why is it impossible to consider that perhaps other cultures, other societies, have their own way?

Why would I not realize that it is not my place to come to a country to “help” it? Maybe I should come and learn the language.  

Maybe I could come and learn the culture. 

Maybe I could come and build some relationships with it’s citizens, share their food and learn their stories. 

While I came with good intentions, they were the wrong intentions.  I know that now.  I came to ‘help’ but instead found a haven.  Here is where I learned to just “be.”  I learned from the very people I wanted to ‘help,’ I learned kindness, unselfishness.  I learned what it is to truly give. 

I’m not proud of the reasons I came – yes to teach English and yes to volunteer with an anti-trafficking organization.   

I now consider myself incredibly lucky and blessed to have spent this time here.  I have learned more than I ever could in university. 

Never again will I go to “help” others in a place I do not truly know anything about.  You can read all the books in the world, you can know a country’s history inside and out but you have to know it’s PEOPLE to truly know it. 

Who am I to help anyone?

I am incredibly thankful to the Kingdom of Wonder.  To this land and people I owe everything.  I know now a bit more about myself but more importantly about others.  I know that I can never know much about anything. 

Every day I learn something new.

Never get too confident in yourself, in your knowledge, in your ability.

You will be the first to become the student in the equation, but the last to realize you are no longer the teacher. 

Let go of yourself and learn from those around you.

There is an incredible freedom in humility.

Good intentions will get you nowhere. 

Get over yourself.  J

I’m still working on it.

Two posts in a row sorry...don't always have internet in this lovely place I call home!

Here:  Meditation and inner peace are highly valued while living a busy and chaotic life is highly valued in the West (or considered a life of success).

Here: Servant hood, silence, and simplicity are valued.  Whereas leadership and individualism and passion are valued in the West  

I find myself strongly drawn to these principles and wonder if it is because this is the first time that I have been exposed to them.  Hearing an idea versus actually seeing it in practice is huge.  Maybe before … sure the concepts sounded good, but who is really going to live like that unless they are forced to?  Which brings me to my next thought – is there value in simplicity?  Or is that just a noble-sounding idea?

“The call to simplicity and freedom is a reminder that our worth comes not from the amount of our involvements, achievements, or possessions, but from the depth and care which we bring to each moment, place, and person in our lives.”  Richard A. Bower

I find there is so much freedom in simplicity.  There is something almost liberating about not being reliant upon a bunch of appliances and conveniences for everything. 

I think it’s highly amusing that people would say that don’t have time to live without all of their modern conveniences.  That is ridiculous. 

The majority of people I know here gets up at 5 a.m. and stays up late.  Outside of working everyday, attending school, everyone washes all of their clothes and cooks all meals without any appliances except ‘camp stoves.’  Remember, this is a different experience than when you are living in a place where people have disposable diapers and other things (unmentionable) that save us hours of washing and cleaning.  Sorry for bringing it up but otherwise you don’t realize how good you have it!  Imagine having 6 kids and not having diapers and wipes and diaper bags…haha!

There isn’t the option of having a washing machine, a dryer, a dishwasher, an oven, a microwave, much less a steamer, a rice cooker, a bread maker of a coffeepot (for the average population)!  Yet in general the people are impeccably clean, constantly washing clothes, showering at least twice a day, sweeping and mopping more than once a day.  I became frustrated with these things in the beginning.  I still get annoyed once in awhile, but I only have to open my eyes and see the world around me and the frustration immediately drains away. 

The point…there is time.  To do all of these things.  To think you don’t have time is just something society told you. 

And there is still:

TIME to always have a conversation (even if it's mostly gestures!),

ENOUGH to always share your food with everyone around you,

SMILES even when you are not feeling well or will have to stay up all night doing homework

I am happy to not have a car, to not have ‘modern’ conveniences, to not have fast food, to not have much.  So for me simplicity is invaluable, and it is the ultimate freedom. 

As always, I do not claim this to be the Truth, it’s just what I am trying to wrap my little brain (or is it my heart) around right now and wanted to share.